I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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