Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
