Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize