Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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