He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
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