am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize