Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
