it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
