I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
