i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
