her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize