me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize