my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
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