Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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