Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
