He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
