I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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