"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
