I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
