Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
