barbara walters just said penis...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize