I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
