I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My ass is underappreciated
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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