You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
