I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
