As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
