She's JV to your varsity
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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