About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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