almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
