We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
