I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
And then my night got REAL pukey
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
