There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
