Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
