The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
