So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
