I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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