Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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