i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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