I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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