i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
