I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
