guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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