I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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