I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
