2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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