Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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