Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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