Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
