this beer tastes like vomit already
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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