youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
