Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
