Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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