i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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