its not stalking. its research.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
