I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
