It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
i think i just lost a toe
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
