im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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