just tell him i said nine months
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
