I can text with my tongue
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
