Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
