mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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