i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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