I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
