My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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